A word to the wise is infuriating.

I found this fanfic generator over at a blog I like to read and thought I might have a go at it myself. I added in a selection of words and refreshed the page a couple of times, generating a new story with each F5. I made a few but none made me laugh as much as this one. I think that’s mainly because I dislike Romeo and Juliet a lot.

I prefer Hamlet.

Anyway, here it is in all its glory.

Hunter S. Thompson and Jeremy Kyle
by William Shakespeare

Enter Hunter S. Thompson

Jeremy Kyle appears above at a window

Hunter S. Thompson:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the radiator, and Jeremy Kyle is the cow.
Arise, sweet cow, and slap the scruffy curtain.
See, how he leans his chest upon his thigh!
O, that I were a glove upon that thigh,
That I might touch that chest!

Jeremy Kyle:
O Hunter S. Thompson, Hunter S. Thompson! wherefore art thou Hunter S. Thompson?
What’s in a name? That which we call a hand
By any other name would smell as orange
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say “like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up”
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear’st,
Thou mayst prove rotund.

Hunter S. Thompson:
Swain, by yonder scruffy curtain I swear
That tips on a mantle the sticky boot–

Jeremy Kyle:
O, swear not by the curtain, the Illuminated curtain,
That quickly changes in its juicy orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise juicy.
Sweet, slippery night! A thousand times slippery night!
Parting is such mediocre sorrow,
That I shall say slippery night till it be morrow.

Exit above

Hunter S. Thompson:
Sleep dwell upon thy chest, peace in thy thigh!
Would I were sleep and peace, so slowly to rest!
carefully will I to my sweet hand’s cell,
Its help to slap, and my orange hand to tell.

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