You is trollin’.

I just spent the last 30-40 minutes talking to this guy on Omegle. he was trying to have sex with me because I told him I was a woman. Why?
For shits and giggles.
Here’s the result.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey
You: Hi.
Stranger: asl/?
You: old enough / f / america
Stranger: m usa
Stranger: old enough…what do you mean?
You: What do you think I mean?
Stranger: i don’t know
Stranger: i think i may know
You: What do you think it is?
Stranger: old enough to have fun
Stranger: what do you look like?
You: i have brown hair
You: and brown eyes
You: and i am white
Stranger: white, short blonde hair…tall
Stranger: blue eyes
Stranger: how are your features?
You: they are well
You: yours?
Stranger: very well
Stranger: explain more on my last question
You: What do you mean when you say ‘features’?
Stranger: u know what i mean
Stranger: how do you look in a swim suit?
You: Oh.
You: lol
You: 36C-27-36
Stranger: nice
You: thank you.
Stranger: do they look nice tho…like up and nice
You: Are you talking about my breasts?
Stranger: yeah
You: yes.
You: my measurements would be different if they were sagging.
Stranger: haha, good
Stranger: are you cold?
You: No.
You: I’m too warm actually.
You: I might take this jumper off.
Stranger: well that would be nice
Stranger: im cold tho…so if you could come warm me up
Stranger: ?
You: do you not have any central heating?
You: here
You: have this
You: *hot water bottle*
Stranger: thanks
Stranger: that feels real nice…and firm
You: Well yes, it is rubber.
You: I’m glad you are no longer cold.
Stranger: yeah…
Stranger: are you still warm?
You: No, I’m cooling off a little now thanks to being jumperless.
Stranger: that is good…should we move a little then?
Stranger: ?
You: Where to?
Stranger: the shower?
Stranger: warm up?
You: But I was just complaining about being too warm!
You: And you just missed me
You: I just came out of the shower.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: where would u like to go..ill take you there
You: Florence in Italy.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: we can get a room
You: Yes we will need a room to store our clothes in while we are on holiday.
Stranger: yes
Stranger: and so we can have some privacy
You: Yes! We will need to sleep eventually. I don’t want people staring in at me while I am sleeping.
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: may i come in?
You: Do you not have a bed in your room?
Stranger: yes
You: Oh, would you like to use the safe in this room? You can store your things in there if you like
Stranger: we are in our bed…aren’t we
Stranger: yes….i would like to store stuff in there…it may take a while to release everything though
Stranger: is that ok?
You: 2 secs
Stranger: ok…im going to start
You: yes
Stranger: or would you like to take my stuff in for me?
You: Yes, we should put our suitcases in our rooms
You: I have a list of things I would like to do, my itinerary is quite full.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: well…why don’t you start transfering my stuff in?
You: okay well we will have the guy take our suitcases up to our rooms
You: do you have a twenty you can give to the bellhop?
Stranger: yes
You: good work.
You: Oh wait, I put my camera in my suitcase, let me get it out.
You: *rummaging around*
You: *rummage rummage rummage*
Stranger: i think you found it
You: Ah yes, here it is.
Stranger: it doesn’t seem to be working properly…
You: Oh shit, is it broken?
Stranger: can you fix it
Stranger: nope
You: ah wait no, it still takes pictures. The lens was a little loose is all
You: phew!
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: that was close
You: TOO close!
You: *highfive*
Stranger: are you ready to take some pictures?
You: Yes.
You: Although
You: *whispers* i dont trust that bellhop
You: *whispers* we should follow him
Stranger: ok
Stranger: wow…what is he doing?
You: I… I think he’s…
You: The bastard is in our suitcases!
You: Punch him!
Stranger: no
Stranger: i am, i am
Stranger: good, he’s running away
You: phew
You: did he steal anything?
Stranger: well, shall we go in our room?
Stranger: no, thankfully the “goods” are still here
You: yes, lets put our things away.
Stranger: ok
You: *puts clothes in wardrobe, valuables in the safe*
You: ok im done
Stranger: same here
Stranger: what now?
You: hmm let me have a thing
You: think
You: I think Giotto’s Tower is first on the list
You: followed by the Florence Bridges
Stranger: yeah
You: It’s only a couple of blocks away.
Stranger: let’s check it out
You: *walk walk walk*
You: OH WOW!
You: *snap snap snap*
You: im gonna take so many pictures
Stranger: thats good
Stranger: i like pictures
You: me too
Stranger: enough fake talk…let’s go back to the room and talk real
You: What do you mean?
You: I’m enjoying my holiday.
Stranger: haha
Stranger: so am i
You: So why would you want to go back to the room? Did you forget something?
Stranger: no…it’s just getting late at night…we should get some sleep
You: Ah okay
You: let’s go back then
You: *walk walk walk*
Stranger: here we are
You: ah yes, my room.
Stranger: so…i guess this is goodnight?
You: Indeed.
You: I am quite sleepy
Stranger: may i come in for a little rest before i go to my room?
You: oh okay
You: *gets into bed, starts reading ‘The Thousand Autumns of Jacob De Zoet’ by David Mitchell*
Stranger: so…did you have fun?
Stranger: at the tower?
You: Yes, it was wonderful.
Stranger: that is good
You: 😀
Stranger: thats a big smile…what are you thinking about?
You: Oh nothing, I’m just happy is all.
Stranger: im not feeling very well…could you take care of me?
You: What’s wrong with you?
Stranger: there seems to be a growth on me
Stranger: it keeps getting bigger
You: O_O
You: What kind of growth?
Stranger: well…it was normal this morning…then…whenever i look at gets bigger
Stranger: and longer
You: maybe you should see a doctor and have it amputated.
Stranger: no
Stranger: that would not be good
Stranger: isn’t there something you can do?
You: But you’re not feeling well!
You: I don’t know about growths, I’m not a doctor
You: *picks up the phone calls 911*
You: Hello, operator? I need an ambulance, my friend here has a rapidly growing tumor
You: Yes, 5 minutes?
You: good, thank you.
Stranger: phew
You: The ambulance is on its way
Stranger: can you comfort me as we wait
You: you look like you have a fever.
You: hold on
You: *runs a towel under some cold water, fold it up and put it on your forehead*
You: there, that should help.
Stranger: thank you
You: would you like a glass of water?
Stranger: yes please
You: okay
You: *fills glass with water*
You: here, sip this
Stranger: ok…thank you
Stranger: it’s hard to sip…it’s so big
Stranger: but thats how i like it
You: its only a small whiskey glass
Stranger: o…those are great
Stranger: im feeling really warm
Stranger: fever like
You: hmm
You: maybe you should take some ibruprofen, it reduces the effects of a fever
Stranger: ok
You: oh, the ambulance is here!
Stranger: good
You: ah here they are
You: *opens the door*
You: he’s there, doctor!
Stranger: yeah
You: ah good im glad they’re putting you on the stretcher and taking you to the ambulance
Stranger: yeah…
Stranger: im going in the ambulance
You: I’ll come with you, in the ambulance I mean
You: *the paramedics shut the doors*
You: i hope i dont catch whatever you have
Stranger: i don’t think you will
Stranger: if you do…you can have some of my water
Stranger: would you like some?
You: Oh no, I’m fine thanks.
You: Ok we’re at the hospital
Stranger: good
You: *transports you to the ER*
Stranger: thats good
Stranger: im really not well
You: Doctor: “Hi, I’m Doctor Giovanni what seems to be the problem?”
Stranger: well…i have this growth
Stranger: that keeps getting bigger
You: Doctor: “Ah yes, and where is this growth?”
Stranger: well…in the middle of my body
You: Doctor: “Ah yes, let me have a loo… MY GOD! It’s definitely cancer! it’s a wonder you’re still alive! This is the worst kind of Cancer; the kind that kills almost instantly!”
You: OH MY GOD! Is he gonna be okay?!
You: Doctor: “Only if we amputate RIGHT NOW”
Stranger: o no
Stranger: o NO
You: Oh no, you’re delerious with fever *pats your head* just listen to the doctor, you’ll be alright!
You: Doctor: (in Italian “Nurse! Prep the OR! We need to operate on this poor man right away!”
You: Oh my God! I’m so scared, I hope you’ll be alright!
Stranger: me too
You: *the doctor carts you away into the OR, an anesthetist putting a mask over your face, putting you to sleep*
You: Oh no, I need to sit down.
You: Anesthetist: “Okay, I need you to count down from ten to zero with me, okay?”
You: Anesthetist: 10, 9, 8…

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
10 points for persistance.
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